'Football is the funnest way to ruin a weekend' in Sporting Chic for the Sunday Guardian, November 28 2010.

Dismay, dejection and despondency are all to familiar emotions for sports fans. Especially when it comes to football, the game that sees more ups and downs in a month than Barack Obama’s popularity. For those for whom football isn’t a way of life, this obsession that borders on life and death is difficult to comprehend. In India, however, thanks to cricket mania, and its related suicides and acts of vandalism, it’s not as alien as it may be to other countries.

It’s impossible to generalize how fans deal with disappointment when their teams lose, but I can speak from bitter experience to say when that final whistle goes and the result isn’t to my liking, I go into shutdown mode. After the television is banned, my mobile phone usually gets the same treatment, followed by all connections to the cyber football world. The last thing I want to do when I’m already unhappy is to have to listen to other fans gloat about a win. I’d much rather be the one doing the bragging. Childish? Perhaps, but it’s a far easier way to deal with an unexpected result. I’m a big fan of denial as a defense mechanism.  Then there’s the other kind of mortally wounded fan, the one who takes as much as they can of a bad spell, and then decides to chuck it all up, dramatically threatening to sell their prized season tickets outside the stadium. The last time I checked, the wait for an Arsenal season ticket is so long, I’d have grandchildren before I managed to get my hands on one, but there were reports of Arsenal fans selling their tickets outside the stadium after the home loss to their oldest enemy, the Tottenham Hotspurs, last week.

Don’t get me wrong. There’s no shame in losing to a good side, or even an average side having a great run of form. It hurts, but it’s not the end of the world. The pain is in losing games that are expected victories. Like losing to a newly promoted side at home when you’re top of the league, or losing a derby at home to archrivals after squandering a two-goal lead. That’s when disappointment and heartbreak take on a whole new meaning altogether. I remember every final my team has lost in the last decade like it was tomorrow. Those are the ones you never get over. In 2009, my brother made his first (and possibly last) trek to Old Trafford to watch his team, United take on Liverpool. Liverpool won 4-1. He’s never recovered and I don’t think he ever will. It’s for all these reasons that’s why I’ve gradually have come to appreciate ‘neutral’ matches, those where I’m unconcerned about the final score and watch to appreciate good football, not worry about permutations and combinations of points and league rankings. If only things were as easy when your own team or their direct rivals, play.

Besides heading to the nearest pub to drown their sorrows, the prevalent way for today’s football fans to vent is to take to the Internet. Fan blogs dedicated to teams and players, Facebook status updates and tweets are starting to replace the football banter that stadium goers are accustomed to. It’s no longer about that witty cheer, that sarcastic song; these are the new age weapons of the social-network era. Players take to their twitter accounts to explain or apologize for a terrible result, fans take to their twitter accounts to demand overhauls in the team, from managers being sacked to players being replaced. I do prefer my immature approach in handling a loss, instead of abuse; I’d just rather not talk about it. What Jack Wilshere calls a bad day in the office, I call an evening that ruins my weekend. 

Delight and Despair run together on derby day ('Sporting Chic' in the Sunday Guardian, November 21 2010')

The most anticipated fixtures in every football fan's calendar are derby matches. When football calendars are released for the year derby dates are marked off and firstborn children are traded for match tickets. Derbies are not just about team loyalties; they are about tradition, passion and raw emotion. What is it about a derby that makes it so much more then a regular game of football? It's a game between two sides whose historic rivalries can find their roots in geography, such as the local derbies between two London sides Arsenal and Tottenham, or Liverpool and Everton. Sometimes the division can be political, such as the Rome derby between Roma and Lazio, or even religious, such as the Old Firm derby between the Celtics and Rangers. Football derbies like the Argentine Superclásico between the Boca Juniors and Riva Plate, where almost seventy percent of the country supports either team, or the Turkish derby between Fenerbache and Galatasaray are hugely awaited fixtures, nationally and internationally. Good luck getting any fan to do anything else on the day! For a better understanding of how seriously contested derby rivalries are, a quick look at their names (yes, each derby has a special title!) reveals as much. The Derby della Capitale between Rome teams Roma and Lazio and the brilliantly-named Derby of the Eternal Enemies between the two biggest teams in Athens, Olympiacos and Panathanaikos, are much more than two rival teams facing off. It's also what these teams stand for, whether political affiliation or class division. Both Olympiacos and Roma are the team of the working classes, while Lazio and Panathanaikos are supported by the old upper class. No conversation about football derbies is complete without a mention of the one of the most intense rivalries in football, the Old Firm match between the Glasgow teams, Celtic and Rangers. The game reflects the deep divisions in Scottish society, which run a vicious divide through religion and politics. Celtic fans are Catholic, Ranger fans are Protestant and getting these two teams and their fans into one stadium is cause for pandemonium on the pitch and off. The Old Firm holds the record for the most number of arrests and hospital admissions during a derby, one I'm sure both sets of fans are extremely proud of. My favourite of all derbies is the Derby della Madonnina, the Milan derby at the San Siro. Two bitter rivals that share a stadium is a recipe for disaster and Milan goalkeeper Dida will speak from experience. A match between the two was called off after fans launched a flare at the goalkeeper. Luckily, last Sundays derby, when Milan won 1-0, was much calmer. Spain's biggest football match is the El Clásico between Real Madrid and Barcelona. Barcelona has long been a symbol of the Catalan way of life, where as Real Madrid has always been considered a team representing the establishment in Spain. The transfer of Luis Figo from the Catalan side to Real Madrid intensified the rivalry even further. He was given a rather apt Catalan welcome present on his first return to play against his old side; a pig head on the pitch. While this fixture may not be a traditional 'derby', the atmosphere at the games is as electric as any derby in the world. All this talk of rivalries brings us to this weekend's North London derby, where Arsenal take on Tottenham at Emirates Stadium. It's not just the four miles in London that separate the two teams, there's far more to their deep rivalry. While many believe that the new London rivalry of two top ranked teams, Chelsea and Arsenal is gradually replacing the North London Derby. Just ask the bitterly disappointed Arsenal fans as they trooped out of their home stadium after surrendering a 2 goal lead in the second half.

Life's not so bad for footballs young stars (Sporting Chic, the Sunday Guardian, November 14 2010)

Playing professional football is the world’s best job. A good day in the office is winning a game, scoring a few goals and relishing the atmosphere at a stadium as a loud crowd cheers you to victory. Doesn’t sound too shabby, does it? And it’s even better when you’re scouted before you turn sixteen. Promises of glory for your team and for your national side, cemented by sky-high wages – not a bad way to start out at all! 

Spanish magazine Don Balon released its shortlist of a hundred young players they believe will be the future superstars of the game. Only players twenty-one and under as of this year are considered for recognition. Five Bayern Munich players made the list this year, including. Diego Contento, Thomas Müller, Breno, Holger Badstuber and Toni Kroos. In the last year, Müller and Badstuber – both 21 yrs old - have won a Bundesliga title, a bronze medal at the World Cup and were runners up at the UEFA Champions League.  

Unsurprisingly, the list includes three Barcelona players - Bojan Krkic, Thiago and Marc Muniesa, graduates of the club’s youth academy, La Maisa. Arsenal’s Aaron Ramsey was part of the list and when he recovers from a horrific leg injury following a terrible tackle, Arsenal and England team management will pray that he returns to his old self. Ramsey is quick, makes phenomenal passes and is often seen as the holding the key to a successful future for Arsenal, along with teammates Carlos Vela, Jack Wilshere and Thomas Vermaelen. The list also includes my personal favourite of all current prospects in European football, Milan’s Alexander Pato. Prolific in front of the goal, with superb aerial ability and speed, what more could you ask for from a young striker who is only just finding his feet in a European league? Real Madrid’s rising talent Sergio Canales made the list as well as Gaël Kakuta and John Obi Mikel of Chelsea. Fortunately, these young stars have already started playing at big teams and gradually proving their worth.

Several players stand out in my mind as the ‘next big thing’ among footballers. Take Brazilian sensation Neymar. His supposed transfer to Chelsea fell through and he continues to play for Santos in Brazil, but there’s no doubt that he and Brazilian teammate Philippe Coutinho will be amongst the most sought after picks for all managers across Europe during the next transfer window. Players like Belgium’s seventeen year old Romelu Lukaku and nineteen year old Eden Hazard could be the difference that the Belgian national team need to make an international impact. A prudent manager’s must-track list of rising stars would include Hazard, Real Madrid’s attacking midfielder who holds a personal ‘stamp of approval’ from Zidane. It would also include Iker Munian, the youngest scorer in the La Liga and Paris Saint-Germain’s Mamadou Sakho, a Ligue 1 sensation. 

Let’s not forget the almost-discovered players waiting to emerge as the new Messis, Kakas and Drogbas of their generation. The Under 20 World Cup is an exceptional forum for players to make a name for themselves in football scout circles. Ghana won the tournament in 2009, and its striker Dominic Adiyiah was the top scorer and was voted player of the tournament. He was signed to Milan and is currently on loan to Reggina, where we can only hope he gets enough first team playing time to nurture his talents. Brazil was runners up at the tournament and fittingly the Silver Boot was given to Brazilian Alex Teixeira. Later signed by Shakhtar Donestsk, for those who remember, he played their away Champions League fixture against Arsenal at the Emirates. Another budding Brazilian, Giuliano, won the bronze ball behind Adiyah and Teixeira. He stayed with his team Internacional after the U20 World Cup and scored six goals to win the 2010 Copa Libertadores. 

This summer’s World Cup was evidence that as more and more established and successful football players gradually fall into the ‘over the hill’ category, there’s an increasing opportunity for young players to make an impact in international and domestic football. Let’s wait till the January transfer window to see how many of these young players will grace European leagues with their budding skill and aptitude.

'Proxy football war is on the net these days' in Sporting Chic, for the Sunday Guardian. November 7 2010.

Forget the days of famous football feuds in the press, fuelled by often-misconstrued statements from warring parties to the media. We are no longer in the days of the Sir Alex Ferguson – Arsene Wenger verbal spats, or the famous tussles in the tunnel between Ian Wright and Peter Schmeichel. Or even in those when referees had to pull Newcastle teammates Kieron Dyer and Lee Bowyer off each mid-game. Move over Jose Mourinhio and Roman Abramovich. The age of the Internet war is here.

It's Diwali week and the Tottenham Hotspurs couldn't have asked for a better present. Wednesday night at White Hart Lane saw them claim a historic Champions League fixture against defending champions Inter Milan. To give credit where credit is due, Rafael van der Vaart predicted the win for his home side, during a much publicised, hugely entertaining Twitter duel with his close friend and Oraanje teammate, Inter's Wesley Sneijder. It is heartening to see such a close relationship between the two. Once teammates at Ajax and Real Madrid, Sniejder has always overshadowed the older Van der Vaart, even beating him to a permanent spot for Ajax and the Dutch.Yet, they've remained friends. The players have bantered since the first leg of the Spurs  – Inter game. While Inter won the first round (four goals to the Tottenham's three), Van der Vaart warned Sneijder he would expose the absent and cheese-like Inter defense. And expose he did. Van der Vaart scored early, followed by two more goals for the home side. Spurs won 3-1. Sneijder may be wishing he hadn't run his mouth about the similarities in Van der Vaart and his six-year-old cousin's ability to find the back of the net. The sparring between the two brought the light-hearted side of football banter back to the game.

Unfortunately, not all Tottenham players exercise the 140-word twitter limit with as much humour or wit. In 2009, former Tottenham and current Sunderland player Darren Bent made use of this most public of forums to rant about his unhappiness with Spurs chairman, Daniel Levy. Bent felt Tottenham were trying to block his move to Sunderland, and made sure the world knew how he felt, using particularly flowery language. In the end, he did get his transfer, and his twenty-eight goals for Sunderland last season saved the side from relegation, though Bent's manager suspended his Twitter account to help him focus on the relegation battle. Fabio Capello used the striker's communication-lockdown model this summer and banned the team from using any social networking sites during the World Cup. We all know how that worked out for them in the end.

Ex-United and Blackburn player Robbie Savage could learn a thing or two from the Dutch boys. How can anyone ever forget the blonde hell-raiser who holds the record as the Premiership's most booked player? Another Twitter feud that's been making the news for a while is the Savage – Rio Ferdinand tweet fest. From juvenile pot shots at each other's equally offensive hairdos, to the comical belittling of their respective shoe lines (who would buy either?), to jibes about who has a more ridiculous tattoo or hair-iron collection, their budding 'bro-romance' comes as a surprise. Rewind to a 2006 tunnel fight where the two had to be pulled off each other after a Blackburn-United game. Now? They wish each other good night instead.

My online stalking of English Premier League football players, specifically their Facebook profiles and Twitter accounts, has left me marginally dumber. If there's one thing that bothers me more than dial-up Internet it is atrocious spelling and bad grammar. Footballers trade insults like they're in middle school. Even then, I just can't get enough. The increasing number of football players on social networking sites and age of the hilarious Internet war are chances for fans to develop an almost real connection with their favourite player, or the opportunity of a lifetime to be a ringside spectator to player rivalries. Nothing quite makes my day like helping Jack Wilshere with a restaurant recommendation or discovering my favorite Frank Sinatra song on Nicklas Bentnder's I-tunes playlist.

'Loyalty in Football? You're having a laugh' ('Sporting Chic' in the Sunday Guardian, October 24 2010)

While Wayne Rooney’s wife may forgive him for straying from his commitments, Manchester United fans may never. Rooney’s ‘I want to leave United’ press statements stirred a media frenzy that ended on Friday, cutting short, what could’ve possibly been the most entertaining few months in transfer season history.

The contract re-signing surprised everyone, coming hot on the heels of his very public disenchament with Ferguson and the club. In a move that shocked us all, this Friday, United announced that Wayne Rooney had renegotiated a five-year contract worth sixty million pounds with the club. In a week where managers across Europe were already relishing the prospect of acquiring Rooney on the cheap and bookies were already taking bets on which team was going to buy the player, not even the most optimistic of United fans or football pundits would have predicted or expected such an outcome to the Rooney – Sir Alex soap opera.

As speculation is laid to rest, we now wonder, whether it was all just an exercise in public relations genius? Or an attempt to overshadow all the bad press that has dogged Rooney since his predilection for 4 am public urination and escorts hit the headlines? An opportunity for United to cement their contract and investment in Rooney, so that, if and when the time for his departure does arise (again), United can expect his transfer to break all records in football history?

Despite initial rejoicing that their star striker was not leaving the club, the United fan jury verdict is still out. In the twenty-four hours since the club announced Rooney’s renewed contract, United and football fans alike have displayed outrage at his questionable loyalty to the side. While some fans are ecstatic that Rooney may potentially play out his days at Old Trafford like United legends Ryan Giggs and Paul Scholes, other fans believe if he felt as strongly as the criticisms he leveled against the club and it’s management, perhaps he should be leaving in January after all.

The truth is – when an integral part of any team moves on, there is collateral damage, be it their fans, old teammates, managers or the to-be-replaced starting XI player at the receiving end of a messy transfer. It’s a no-brainer, that no one player alone can carry an entire football team. However, the reality when it comes to the Thierry Henrys, Steven Gerrards, Andrei Shevchenkos or the Kakas of the world; is that it is much harder to see players go that consistently form the back-bone of your team.

When you’re a die-hard fan with an extreme obsession for your team and all things related, expected or unexpected news of an impending transfer of the biggest name or your favorite player is tough to stomach. Fans display a huge range of emotions – from disbelief, shock to disappointment and anger. I remember a teary-eyed day in 2006, when Robert Pirès played his last game at Arsenal, an equally emotional moment in the summer of 2007 when Thierry Henry was transferred to Barcelona (and I expect more water works when Cesc Fabregas leaves the Gunners next season).  Occasionally, there’s nothing like getting your own back, rewind to Arsenal ex-captain Patrick Vieira’s return to Highbury turf, playing for the opponent side in a Juventus shirt. In spectacular and fitting style, Pirès tackled a nervous Vieira and dispossessed him, eventually leading to Arsenal’s first goal against Juventus. Did I forget to mention the vindictiveness of fans with abandonment issues?

Perhaps that’s why the love for international football - once players are capped, they are barred from playing for any other national side, so you know they aren’t going anywhere. It’s a much safer bet for fans, one that virtually guarantees zero disappointment and no heartbreak. When it comes to domestic teams, the reality is player transfers are part and parcel of football. C’est la vie.

Transfer sagas, do however, play a significant role in identifying two significant trends amongst football fans: one, fans always stick behind their managers (at least when it’s a winning side, poor Roy Hodgson and floundering Liverpool aside) and second, that no one player is bigger then any team. Not even current Arsenal golden-boy Cesc Fabregas. One can only hope that when the inevitable happens, and he exchanges his Arsenal jersey for a Barcelona one, heart-broken Arsenal fans across the world will accept his departure with civility and a touch of class.

Off the pitch and in the public eye: Footballers sex lives make for brilliant reading ('Sporting Chic' for The Sunday Guardian, October 10 2010)

It’s inevitable. You hit the big time, these days before you’re even old enough to vote, you’re a football hero. Your name is on the back of every jersey sold and your face endorses every product or brand conceivable. So much money you don’t know what to do with it. Besides buy a ridiculous house, fill it with the craziest gadgets and make an appearance on MTV Cribs. And then you’re caught with your pants down. Literally.

Because what they didn’t tell you was – that with all the fame, sporting glory and money – also came the constant invasion, paparazzi and tabloids stalking your every move. Anything you touch is golden, which means; anything you do wrong is platinum.  One misstep, mistakes ordinary men and women make each day, and it’s a headline in every daily rag and legitimate newspaper across the world. Think Tiger Woods and a list of women far too long to mention, Rebecca Loos and David Beckham, Ashley Cole and his hairdresser or Peter Crouch and his escort.  Men cheat. Women cheat. It happens. Except when you’re playing in the number 10 shirt for your country, your business is everybody’s business. Without judging and I mean, morals aside – who are we to comment on what footballers do after hours? You’re not my elected representative to Parliament; you’re not even a new-age Yoga guru I look up to. But when your dalliances post-game time start affecting game time, goal scoring and my team… Then, suddenly it’s fair game.

Why does this seem to happen so often with English footballers, more certainly then with any other country? Part of the reason is that England is obsessed with gossip and scandal. It’s got to be one of the reasons why the most widely read papers throughout the United Kingdom are tabloids like the Sun and the Daily Mirror? This obsession with celebrity and their failings, ensures that the eagle-eye lens of every paparazzi photographer and every tabloid editor are looking for that incriminating picture of a drunk footballer tumbling out of a night club at 4 am with a not-his-WAG hanging off his arm.

In the last year alone, almost half of the English football teams starting XI have had a press story threaten their family and football lives. Ashley Cole. John Terry. Peter Crouch. Steven Gerrard. . Wayne Rooney. Explains their so-called World Cup campaign? Fabio Capello dropped John Terry from England captaincy when the story of his dalliance with teammate Wayne Bridge’s ex-wife broke. Wayne Bridge, of course, was the first to say, he would never play with John Terry ever again.

Under English law, a person who suspects that he is about to be defamed can obtain a super-injunction to block such stories coming out. Currently, three English footballers have been successfully granted super-injunctions, much to the chagrin of tabloids that were hoping to break stories, ruin families and weaken football teams. Wayne Rooney is a classic example. Coupled with stories of his preference for aging prostitutes (she was a grandmother) when he was sixteen, the newest rumors didn’t surprise anybody – least of all his wife. However, it’s the public spectacles that these affairs become that have the worst effect on families and team management alike. Since the story broke, Rooney’s form has been terrible. He was dropped for the biggest fixture in his football calendar – an away game against Everton (the team he has supported since he was a tot). Since then, his form hasn’t recovered and Manchester United hasn’t had a great game in a few weeks. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining – Rooney’s lack of form only means United’s lack of form. The Arsenal fan in me is pleased. Clearly, we’re not really fussed with what footballers get up to off the pitch. Let’s leave that to their WAGS. But when they can’t keep personal life drama separate from a game-winning performance, that’s when it becomes our problem too.            

The Tumultuous Life of a Football Fan ('Sporting Chic' in The Sunday Guardian, October 3 2010)

The tumultuous life of a football fan is just that. Tumultuous. Our lives are timed calendar-style precision – we’re happiest when the summer hiatus from the English Premier League, Spanish La Liga or Italian Serie A ends. And in August and September, when football leagues world over reconvene and bring back the frenzy.

Don’t get me wrong, June and July aren’t attempts to wean us away from our television sets and football teams. Every 2 years we’re blessed with football during those months (thank you World Cup and the European Championship). 

But when we’re not, all that gets fanatics through the trying period of zero goals and no gloating rights are the transfer window months of July and August. A bizarre, interim time that brings an air of expectation and excitement. 

Once a league kicks off for the year, most die-hard fans say goodbye to their weekends. We’re dismal in May when season title winners are crowned, losers are mocked and then, with fair warning, football goes away!

The start of a new season with newly traded players is a long awaited, much anticipated and traffic stopping event (ever tried to grab a cab after an Arsenal game at the Emirates Stadium? The traffic would put the CWG to shame).

It’s not just our weekends that disappear into a haze of cheering, jeering and gloating. Courtesy of the UEFA Champions League and time difference hell (European Standard Time), we’re stuck with sleepless nights midweek every fortnight. That guy in the next cubicle, passed out on his keyboard? Chances are he was up till the wee hours watching the game.

It’s debatable whether a fan’s excitement is over the return of football or the rivalries being revived. New season is a time for supporters of winning clubs to gloat; fans of a runners up club to hope and pray that their teams are fortified with new, stronger buys; and fans of newly promoted clubs to hope their team can last a season without being bumped back down to lower division leagues.

Nothing defines a football fan like team loyalty. Personally, I channel William Wallace’s Braveheart speech before every big Arsenal game. Think Cesc Fabregas and the Arsenal team in highland kit (and kilts?) charging forward at the Chelsea defense this Sunday at Stamford Bridge.

A quick introduction to the life of an Arsenal fan - we’re one of the most successful clubs in the world. We’re all - and only - about the beautiful style of football Arsenal plays. We’re purists. We’re not about the money, we’re not about the big stars – we believe in identifying and breeding talent and teamwork. We respect and worship our manager, Arsene Wenger. But we would prefer that you call him ‘the Professor.’ And I would prefer that you called the Gunners (as Arsenal is called) – the Invincible Gunners. 

In 2004, Arsenal pulled off a record breaking undefeated run to win the English Premier League. It’s a record that remains unmatched by any team and will likely go done in the history books: 49 games. Un-beaten. Despite a trophy drought since that exceptional run, Arsenal can pride themselves on revamping the team and selecting a dynamic group of young players, who work hard and gel well. There’s a reason why most neutral fans or fans of ‘the sport’ prefer to watch Arsenal play. It’s just the way we play.

Just like the rest of the rest of the world, India is a vast sea of customary United fans. Everywhere you look it’s a ManU supporter or a United bar. Manchester United is by far the world’s best-marketed sports property. Unfortunately, this explains why I can count Delhi’s Arsenal fans on my fingers and toes. Kudos to the growing band of Spurs fan – I know it’s blasphemy to celebrate growing support for our bitter North London rivals; but it’s a sign that things are finally changing.

Now, if I could just get Scotty to beam us down some Gunners and a long deserved, world class, quality goalkeeper...